Learning to flow and grow
It all got very real this week with family celebrations, football training and a parent evening in my schedule. Added to that is the small complication of the wee bureau being in the same space as our spin bike and treadmill. My husband has been home all week (a rare occurrence) and seemingly believes he is also entitled to have time to accommodate his hobbies and to share the space. I don’t know if any of you have attempted to write poetry whilst your significant other is taking part in a 90s themed spin class but I don’t recommend it. So a schedule must be produced and solutions found. Our offspring, we decided, could be prevailed upon to help us out and we opened negotiations via the family WhatsApp group. In a spirited exchange my husband demanded, I wheedled and the children sulked ending in a rather predictable stalemate. Eventually I decamped to the bureau and invoked the age old and immutable law of ‘I was here first so I’m not moving’.
Then came the second hurdle of the week. I have been in a lovely state of focus and motivation for a few weeks with short stories and lots of little sparks of potential. Now I felt irritated that I wasn’t finding the time to write this week and frustrated that life was interfering with my creative flow. I’m not a real writer I decided. Who do I think I am fooling? Writers have huge libraries, a picturesque view for inspiration and perhaps a chesterfield sofa to retire to when it all gets a bit much don’t they? This was not how I pictured it as a child. Having to book a slot and snatch 20 minutes with a timer on my phone so I don’t burn the dinner. Well the reality is that this is exactly what real writers do. This is real life. My life.
Having given myself a talking to I remembered that this is supposed to be fun. I tend to write my first draft of a poem very quickly and so this week that has become my focus. I now have another two pieces in my collection. I took another small step forwards and met with a publisher to explore what my options might be if I decide to send my writing out into the world. It was a really interesting and exciting discussion and has given me a lot to think about. At the moment my goal is to improve my writing and grow into my craft but it is wonderful to know that I have options.
Despite my best efforts to self sabotage and let the imposter programming run riot my mind it has been a very productive week. Really all it took to shift it was a little change of the lens.
